Growing up, my mom was big on praying about our future marriage/spouse. It became something that I did as well...praying that God would send my true love at the right time and help me wait for him and guard my heart. Sometimes I prayed this passionately, sometimes routinely. But always, always it was in my heart that God knew my future spouse and I needed to wait for him and be patient...to not throw away my heart to any and every guy that came through my life.
My college boyfriend was my first serious boyfriend. We dated all four years of college and the year after. We had never really talked about getting married, which surely should have been a sign to me that something was not right. How clear hind sight is, right?
Then we broke up. And I was 24. And I had friends getting married right and left. I wondered if maybe I would never find "the one." It seemed like the next logical step (in the eyes of society) after graduating college was marriage...and yet there I was a year after graduation and single. I resumed my earnest prayers for my future spouse. I prayed that God would save my heart until I met my future husband...I prayed that God would teach me patience...and I prayed to focus fully on God until I felt that He was giving me my future husband. I knew God would teach me and work on me as He was leading me to my future spouse.
I wanted the next man I gave my heart to to be my husband.
And then I met my (now) husband...and I wasn't really prepared for love...and I wasn't really prepared for falling so fast...but we did. We were married within a year of dating and I knew that this love was what I had been waiting for.
And I know that people say "I don't regret my past relationships because I grew/learned/changed." And I agree with that to some degree. But every relationship we are in, we give little pieces of our heart away. And then maybe when the right person comes along, we don't have a whole heart to give anymore. We have jealousies, insecurities and fears that hang around and interfere with our ability to love and trust the next person.
If you are still waiting for your spouse, I encourage you to seek God and pray about it...pray to guard your heart and wait for the right person for you. You can't find Mr. Right (or Mrs) if you are dating every Mr. Wrong that walks past you! Trust God to know the perfect timing for your love story and your life.
Deep post for a Friday. : )