In case you are new here, I am a nurse in the Emergency Department and the craziness never ends. A few days ago, a coworker and I started talking about the weirdest/funniest things that patients have ever said to us. I decided that some of these needed to be shared...with the blog, of course.
Please enjoy. : )
Patient: "I've been having diarrhea for a few days and I think I have stomach cancer. I caught some of the diarrhea in a cup and brought it for y'all to test. (tries to hand nurse cup) Here."
Patient: "I've been having nausea and I think I'm pregnant."
Nurse: "Okay, when was your last menstrual cycle?"
Patient: "I think about 5 months ago. See, I'm pregnant right now."
Nurse: "So you know that you are pregnant?"
Patient: "Yeah, they said I was 5 months pregnant, but I think I got pregnant again because I'm so nauseated. Can y'all check and see if there are two babies now?"
Patient: "I had a seizure because I couldn't afford to get my medicine filled."
Doctor: "How do you afford your cigarettes?"
Patient: "Well I had to make a choice and I didn't want to have nicotine withdrawals."
Patient: "My butt is hurting."
Nurse: "When did that start?"
Patient: "After I tripped down the stairs."
Nurse: "Okay, are you having any other symptoms?"
Patient: "Well, I think when I fell I landed on a shot glass and now it's stuck in my butt."
And I think that's probably enough for today.
Y'all are welcome.