In case you are new here, I am a nurse in the Emergency Department and the craziness never ends. A few days ago, a coworker and I started talking about the weirdest/funniest things that patients have ever said to us. I decided that some of these needed to be shared...with the blog, of course.
Please enjoy. : )
Patient: "I've been having diarrhea for a few days and I think I have stomach cancer. I caught some of the diarrhea in a cup and brought it for y'all to test. (tries to hand nurse cup) Here."
Patient: "I've been having nausea and I think I'm pregnant."
Nurse: "Okay, when was your last menstrual cycle?"
Patient: "I think about 5 months ago. See, I'm pregnant right now."
Nurse: "So you know that you are pregnant?"
Patient: "Yeah, they said I was 5 months pregnant, but I think I got pregnant again because I'm so nauseated. Can y'all check and see if there are two babies now?"
Patient: "I had a seizure because I couldn't afford to get my medicine filled."
Doctor: "How do you afford your cigarettes?"
Patient: "Well I had to make a choice and I didn't want to have nicotine withdrawals."
Patient: "My butt is hurting."
Nurse: "When did that start?"
Patient: "After I tripped down the stairs."
Nurse: "Okay, are you having any other symptoms?"
Patient: "Well, I think when I fell I landed on a shot glass and now it's stuck in my butt."
And I think that's probably enough for today.
Y'all are welcome.
96 comments:
hilarious!!!
Oh my goodness those just cracked me up haha! Love it!
xo
lol these are amazing. I'm in nursing school and have already heard my fair share during my placements. Thanks for sharing!! :)
Wow that definitely makes for some eventful times at work!
I almost don't want to believe these...oh my gosh!
You just don't realize how crazy people are until they start talking.
Wow.
These are too funny :) Thanks for sharing :)
You brighten my day!
uhm...
this might be my favorite post of all time. ever. on the blogosphere.
there is so much goodness i dont even know where to begin..
so im just not.
i cant.
lol so funny! reminds me of random things said in the classroom
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Too funny!! Hope you're having a great weekend, doll! :)
Hahaha. Stop it. Seriously, people? Wow, this really makes you wonder...
hahahaha these just made my morning! haha hilarious! I think this should be a regular post for you ;)
BAHAHA!!! Awesome!!!
Oh goodness! LOL, you made my morning!
Sara
Hahaha!!! Those are hilarious!
Oh my gosh this is hilarious!! I agree - I think you need to do these more often!
Oh my gosh those are hilarious!!!!!! It's hard to believe that people are that stupid!! Lol lol thanks for sharing!!!!
Oh my word!! Hilarious! I worked in L&D before my husband and I moved to Alabama last year. It was the same thing, the things people said would literally have me rolllllling!
OMG! that cracked me up!
THanks for the laugh! I was in the emergency room last night for something minor, but the people in there at 2am are interesting to say the least!!!
those are awesome!
hhaha omg these just made my morning!
Hahaha! I love this! This cracks me up!! :)
LOVE these! hahahahaha
How do you even keep a straight face when stuff like this happens? Except for maybe the diarrhea in a cup... then I think I would be attempting to calm my gag reflex rather than not laughing...
Oh my goodness how funny! I'm sure I'll be hearing plenty of stories like this from Keith in a year or so!
Allyson
http://cupcakescandycanes.blogspot.com
Oh my gosh--these are hilarious! Absolutely love it. This should probably become a regular thing on your blog. Too funny!
~Tiffany
http://tiffanyd22.blogspot.com
There really are no words...
Hahahaha.
Hahaha I LOVE it! I'm a pediatric oncology nurse and have decided that I need to write a book with everything my patient's say. :)
Please please PLEASE make this a weekly post! That is some of the funniest stuff I've ever heard!
So funny! I work as a psychiatric nurse and I was once asked by a family member, "can we catch that Bi-po-lar?".
Bwahahahahaha!! Freaking hilarious! Where do people come up with this stuff?!
Oh my goodness! These are hysterical! I cannot believe the pregnant one! I think you should have a weekly, or monthly post of these haha!
I can't even understand this. Some people have NO common sense!!!
Haha oh my gosh! Just made my morning. I have honestly been contemplating going to med school to specialize in emergency medicine - and this just made me want to even more, even though I have a few years before I can even apply thanks to the MCAT's and ochem.
Haha oh my gosh! Just made my morning. I have honestly been contemplating going to med school to specialize in emergency medicine - and this just made me want to even more, even though I have a few years before I can even apply thanks to the MCAT's and ochem.
These are all hilarious, especially the last one haha :-)
Hahaha! Oh my gosh, too funny - Love these! Patients say the darndest things! :)
OMG these are hilarious!!! My favorite one is the double pregnant story...sorry hun, that's not how it works! HAHA!
oh my goodness. people say the craziest things. especially in a medical setting. I like to think I'm pretty knowledgeable about my body and disease and such, especially considering I want to go into medicine, but I'm sure I've said some pretty entertaining gems.
hahahahhahahhaha. Oh my GOSH. I die.
LMAO!!!! Omg that is so funny and I thought it was horrible when my 3 yr old would tell the nurses they're "jerks" lol.
Oh, wow! These are hilarious! I don't think I would make a very good nurse, but if I got to hear little gems like this everyday, I just might want to be one!
LOL- It takes a heckuva' person to be a nurse, I know I couldn't do it!! My best friend is a nurse and her crazy stories never cease to amaze me!!
You literally had me laughing out loud! My momma is a nurse so I grew up hearing crazy stories like this. It's amazing some of these people function in society!!
Wow these are hilarious! The last one about the shot glass had me giggling the most :)
O my, this is just not right. It must crack you up when you hear or experience these situations. Never a dull moment I think!
O my, this is just not right. It must crack you up when you hear or experience these situations. Never a dull moment I think!
Are people for real? Sometimes it's scary claiming to be part of the human race. Thanks for the laughs and making ME feel like a genius. Ha!
I'm ready for the next round of "Patient Says What???" Lol.
hahaha!! i love the first one... i like how they "caught" it.
hahahaha... I think I got pregnant again.. Seriously?? TOO funny!
Haaaaa! OMG. I love hearing my gf and my sisters stories. My gf is an ER nurse and my sis is on the med surge floor. People are crazy.
Oh my goodness! I feel a whole lot better about going to the ER twice in one month now! At least I was normal while I was there! I guess some people are just a little odd.
The seizure one made me sad though. Seriously, they have one body, and one life, and they have a known treatment for their medical condition...and still choose to not follow it!? :S
Also, please make this at least a semi-regular feature. It amuses me. :P
bahahahaha!!! i could definitely come up with a great post on things i've heard from patients too!
OH my goodness you MUST share more of these. I can't believe about that pregnant one..crazy!
OMG these are too funny! I'm sure you hear lots of funny things in the ER :)
Bahahaha! Hilarious. Loved it. I get to hear a lot of these stories from my hubby since he's an ER resident. ;) I told him these and he laughed...especially at the "butt" one.
Hahahaaha o my word the pregnancy one??? Ahhmazing. How stupid can you be.
This is too funny! I can't wait to graduate in December so I can sit down and marvel at the nonsense my patients ramble off...
I currently work at a Dr.'s office as an CNA and I find it hilarious when someone comes in with chest tightness, SOB, a horrible cough but you can smell the residue from their last cig on their breath! Lol! :)
dear. heavens.
:) these are great. and soooo incredibly true.
how do you keep a straight face!
Oh my gosh! Some people are truly frightening with their beliefs and what they say. If you manage to keep a straight face, you are amazing! I'm pretty sure I would have laughed in someone's face, made a sarcastic comment, and promptly gotten myself fired...
Hahahah...the shot glass story is my favorite. Crazy people!
Oh my word. Yeah, we pretty much see the most ridiculous things up in our trauma ICU as well.....I can totally relate to hearing patients verbalize these thoughts that you can't even imagine being formed in your own head!
We did have someone come up to the STICU recently after the surgical removal of a large glass object from their behind.....guess it's not only happening in Richmond VA!
Sounds like my days at work in a nut shell! Patients honestly do say the darn-est things! Wouldn't trade the craziness for the world though!
XoXo,
Stormy
lifesadanceyoulearnasyougos.blogspot.com
scary that people like this are out there right? especially the mom of "twins" haha ;)
These are hilarious. Im a nurse and here crazy things too lol one pt told me her "cat" hurt. I stood there confused and asked if she jut said that her cat hurt. She said yes so I asked what she was talking about. She gave me a look and pointed "down there" she had a catheter and was telling me that hurt lol it took everything I had to not laugh out loud in front of her
OMG! My husbands tells me so many stories like this: Some guy was washing potatoes in his shower and "slipped" on one... and it went up his bottom! ha! People are crazy!
OMG! I work in a hospital too and my coworkers and I always say we should write a book but then we joke that nobody would believe us b/c the stuff is SO crazy! I'm a social worker so you can only imagine the stories I hear.
I definitely laughed out loud. I needed that! Thanks :)
Hahaha. I love the one with the pregnant girl.
oh my word! the diarrhea one and the pregnant girl had me rolling hahaha
Oh my gosh. I work with the public and hear a lot of stuff but this takes the cake! I don't know how you keep from laughing in their face!
OMG, somebody went number two in a cup at home and brought it to the hospital?!?!?! That's crazy and disgusting.
Thanks for this! I needed that laugh.
Holy moly!!!! HAHA. This is awesome...and SO appropriate for a Sunday...:))
That is hysterical!!! I don't even know which is the funniest/ craziest! I can't even imagine dealing with that everyday, I wouldn't know whether to laugh at the person, or strangle them! ;)
oh ya just gotta love jobs that deal with the general public and personal issues:-) gold medals for all of you saints!
P.S. My nurse friend told me several stories from her hospital. The Sock story, The Popsicle story, and The Rat story. They are pretty legendary! And I'll leave it at that:-) xoxo
wow -- these are amazing!! i need to start writing down some things my patients say....it's always entertaining that's for sure!! ;)
Oh wow, I couldn't even begin to imagine he things you here. I know how comical it can be just sitting in the waiting area listening to people. Bless your heart, nurses are such amazing people!
OMG people have actually said/done those things? How do you keep a straight face!?!?!?!
LOL LOVE it!! I'm a nurse too so these are extra funny to me!
these are priceless! and to think that these same people are roaming the streets trying to live on their own! ha!
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!! OMG! Sooo funny! I especially love the pregnant one. Although, it's disturbing that someone like that is reproducing.
I work in a Pharmacy that rents space inside a hospital... so we get a lot of the patients who come straight from the ER. The cigarette one couldn't be MORE true. I can't tell you how many people can't afford their medicine, but reek of cigarette smoke and have a pack in their shirt pocket. I go home everyday with new stories! I love this post!
I read this to my hubby and we both giggled for about ten minutes. I think I may go in to my next prenatal visit and tell my doc I think I made another baby and to please check for 2 heartbeats. Just for fun.
This is all too familiar. I work in a family practice
and we get all kinds.
oh my goodness these are awesome! i love the south.
OH MY WORD!!!
That is the funniest thing!! People sometimes, I swear!
These are my fave! ha. Gotta love patients. I have an ongoing list in my phone about patient craziness. One of these days I will get around to actually typing it out! lol.
fell on a shot glass? yeah right! That guy was trying something freaky and we all know it! haha!
That is too funny! I needed a good laugh today.
I work in an ER too, I actually check the patients in & can over hear their triage...oh the things people say!!
haha! I'm an ER nurse too. It amazes me how crazy some people are!
omg megan!!! i neeed more more more of these. totally made me giggle out loud this morning!
Stop it.... I am DYING! Haha oh my lanta. I can't believe some people in this world! Crazies!
oh my gosh. isn't being a nurse just so entertaining sometimes?! i am a pediatric nurse on a surgical floor and i hear the FUNNIEST stuff. i need to start documenting it. i can only imagine the stuff you hear in the ER!
bless their hearts!
Post a Comment