Sharing a few more little treasures from the Emergency Room today. Enjoy.
Nurse: "So what brought you to the Emergency Room today?"
Patient: "Well last night I got into a fight at the club and I got stabbed with a knife."
Nurse: "Okay, where did this happen? We are required to call the police with all assaults."
Patient: "Oh. I didn't know that. I'll be right back."
(takes off running out of the ER, never comes back...too bad we already have your name, buddy)
Patient: "I got into a car accident four days ago and I want to get checked out."
Nurse: "Okay, where exactly are you hurting?"
Patient: "I'm not hurting right now. I just left my lawyer's office and he sent me here."
Patient: "I'm having pain down there."
Nurse: "Where exactly is down there?"
Patient: "You know, in my private areas."
Nurse: "Okay, when did that start?"
Patient: "I think it started about three weeks ago when I got a condom stuck in there."
Nurse: "Is it still stuck in there?"
Patient: "I don't know. I think so. I never saw it come back out."
Doctor: "We got the test results back and you aren't pregnant. You said you took a test at home and it was positive. When was that?
Patient: "Well, it wasn't really positive. I just wanted to see if my boyfriend would stay with me if I got pregnant, so I faked it. Can I go now?"