Nurse: "What brings you to the ER today?"
Patient: "Well 3 years ago, I fell at The Wendy's and they were supposed to pay me, but they never did. So I want to get my neck and back checked again so I can make them pay me."
Patient: "I want to get checked for STDs."
Nurse: "Okay. Are you having any symptoms?"
Nurse: "Well this is the ER, not an STD clinic. We don't routinely treat STDs. The ER is for emergencies."
Patient: "It is an emergency. I got a date tonight."
Patient: "My back is hurting so bad. I need something for pain."
Nurse: "Are you allergic to anything?"
Patient: "Yes, Tylenol, Motrin, Aleve, Tramadol, and all muscle relaxers."
Nurse: "Wow, that's a lot. What do you usually take for pain then?"
Patient: "Really the only thing that works is Morphine."
(Morphine is a super strong narcotic)
Patient: "Why haven't you called my name? All these people are going back before me and I signed in first."
Nurse: "I did call you - three times. You didn't answer."
Patient: "Oh, well I had gone down to the cafeteria."
Nurse: "Okay, well sit down and I'll call you in a little bit."
Patient: "But I'm having chest pain." (said while eating a hot dog)
Patient: "Can y'all just give me a shot instead of a prescription? I don't have any money."
Doctor: "No, you have to take this medicine for ten days."
Patient: "Well who's going to pay for it?"
Doctor: "Who pays for stuff normally?"
Patient: "I get a check every month to pay for things."
Doctor: "Okay, well use that money."
Patient: "I can't. I just bought this iPhone."
Doctor: "And why can't you work?"
Patient: "I have anxiety. It won't let me work."
See more ER conversations here.