Friday, January 18, 2013

From the Mouths of Patients #4


Nurse: "What brings you to the ER today?"
Patient: "Well 3 years ago, I fell at The Wendy's and they were supposed to pay me, but they never did. So I want to get my neck and back checked again so I can make them pay me."

Patient: "I want to get checked for STDs."
Nurse: "Okay. Are you having any symptoms?"
Patient: "No."
Nurse: "Well this is the ER, not an STD clinic. We don't routinely treat STDs. The ER is for emergencies."
Patient: "It is an emergency. I got a date tonight."

Patient: "My back is hurting so bad. I need something for pain."
Nurse: "Are you allergic to anything?"
Patient: "Yes, Tylenol, Motrin, Aleve, Tramadol, and all muscle relaxers."
Nurse: "Wow, that's a lot. What do you usually take for pain then?"
Patient: "Really the only thing that works is Morphine."
(Morphine is a super strong narcotic)

Patient: "Why haven't you called my name? All these people are going back before me and I signed in first."
Nurse: "I did call you - three times. You didn't answer."
Patient: "Oh, well I had gone down to the cafeteria."
Nurse: "Okay, well sit down and I'll call you in a little bit."
Patient: "But I'm having chest pain." (said while eating a hot dog)

Patient: "Can y'all just give me a shot instead of a prescription? I don't have any money."
Doctor: "No, you have to take this medicine for ten days."
Patient: "Well who's going to pay for it?"
Doctor: "Who pays for stuff normally?"
Patient: "I get a check every month to pay for things."
Doctor: "Okay, well use that money."
Patient: "I can't. I just bought this iPhone."
Doctor: "And why can't you work?"
Patient: "I have anxiety. It won't let me work."

See more ER conversations here


50 comments:

Ashley said...

Hahah oh the things patients say!!

This past week I had a patient come in for a Stress Test - I told her to bring running shoes for the treadmill - she forgot them and was wearing huge rubber boots - not classy ones - She said she should provide the patients with shoes. I told her she could wear her socks for the test - she stuck her insoles inside her socks and almost wiped out while doing the test....

Sara Cate said...

These are so funny (sad, but funny). My husband is a resident in the ED. I love hearing these kinds of stories!

Kaity said...

That would be SO frustrating! Lol

Amber in South Carolina said...

Oh that's too funny! My Mom works in a pharmacy and had a run in with someone similar to your morhphine patient. They told her the doctor didn't know what dose they needed of their vicodin (the dose they were given was too little apparently) and so they had just been taking more. And the pharmacy should believe them instead and refill it early!

That and she has one or two people who run out of cholesterol meds early because they take extra when they feel like their cholesterol is too high, haha. I think this means after they eat a bucket of fried chicken ;)

The Hoscheits said...

Hilarious! And sad that we truly hear these things every single day.

Brandi @ Home Team Dreams said...

Hahaha! WOW!

Michaela said...

Holy crap! Haha...I can't believe this is real...but then again I can cause my mom has crazy stories, too! Like the time a grandma of a patient literally STOLE the baby bedding, hospital hats, diapers and wipes and everything else. My mom saw her shove them in her suitcase and then asked her where all the baby stuff went and she flat out denied it! People these days....

Faith said...

i have NO words!



lori said...

oh, wow. i love these posts, megan!!

Erin said...

Oh my goodness, girl. You have the best stories! My BFF is a nurse and every time we get together I make her tell me her most recent crazy patient stories ;)

Jamie said...

Omg. Umm, morphine and Oxy's are the ONLY things I can take for pain. Yeah, sure :)

Shelley said...

Is this for real? Wow ...!

Tiffany said...

That STD one seriously had me falling out of my chair laughing!

~Tiffany
http://tiffanyd22.blogspot.com

Katie said...

WOW!! Some people are just nuts!! My favorite one is the date one!!

Kristen said...

I love your patient posts! It's amazing the things people say and do!

Lauren said...

These are hilarious! I know I have some good stories with kids but these are tooo funny!

Stormy said...

The joys of being a nurse right? These sound frighteningly familiar! It's unbelievable how {in some cases} patients just don't get it. I want to say to them sometimes "Do I really look that dumb?!?"

LaynahRose said...

Oh my gosh, I need to start doing from the mouth of patients posts. The one about morphine reminded me of a patient that claimed only di-lala worked for him (he meant dilaudid...which I probably don't know how to spell but you get the point haha) But of course he was calling for his di-lala about every five minutes.

Lindsay B. said...

LOVE when you do these post! I'm sitting in my office laughing out loud at this. I truly look forward to these post! :)

Lindsay said...

People are ridiculous! That last one makes me so mad! I hate people like that. (And I'm just going to stop there before I say something I'll REALLY regret)

michelle said...

hahahh these crack me up!
i used to work for a company that did hearing tests and sold hearing aids. i had one guy who came in after his dog bit his ear and tried to get me to sew it back together because "you work with ears". the reason why his dog bit his ear was because he put peanut butter on it to see what the dog would do. i told him to grow up and go to a hospital.

Kelly said...

Wow, some people are just unbelievable!

-kelly
sweettea-lemonade.blogspot.com

Traci said...

I wish you'd do these more often. They're sooo funny! Well, except for the whole I can't work but I used my check to buy an iPhone. That stuff infuriates me.

Neon Blonde Runner said...

I'm in a surgery trauma ICU at a level 1 trauma center in a verrrry sketch part of town....those comments are RIGHT up my alley hahahaha

Emily grapes said...

hahaha, I LOVE the 'I'm allergic to everything BUT morphine' one..right, right.

these are unreal
Emily at Amazing Grapes

Nicole said...

Oh man. PEOPLE.

Ashley said...

Oh my gosh haha...it would be SO HARD not to laugh or roll your eyes at these patients!

Katy said...

I'm fairly certain you deserve a medal for what you do. These people are nuts. I'm not sure which made me cringe/laugh harder...the person who can't afford medication because they bought an iPhone with their monthly check, ore the person who needs to checked for STDs RIGHT NOW because they have a date later. Oh boy!

Megan said...

To me, the worst part of working in the ED is triage...then you have to listen to every stupid story that walks in the door! I know I am rolling my eyes by the end of the day. And don't you just love patients that are demanding (and they are the ones that don't normally need any medical treatment at all!)

Mrs. Miller said...

I really wish you were joking about some of these... especially Mr. Anxiety with the new Iphone.

Ashley Barnhill said...

I love when you do these types of posts! And the last one just kills me! So ridiculous!

Ashleigh Day said...

I am a nurse & I will be honest, I thought I had heard some pretty good ones until now! This one by far tops the ones in which I have heard...Some people kill me! & they never learn that alone is the sad part... Its like they think we are stupid!

Amanda said...

Hilarious.

Jennifer said...

Goodness gracious....people can be so ridiculous! The last one especially got me...if you are unable to work and have to depend on the government to give you money...don't go buy an iphone! Save it for when you will actually need it.

-Jennifer
www.kermit-and-piggy.blogspot.com

Rachel said...

Oh wow--the morphine one, my husband has told me about having some version of that conversation many, many times at the hospital. On that note--we have two cats named Morphine and Narcan. :)

Claire said...

the general public do provide us with some entertainment don't they? haha!!

Allison said...

Oh WOW. People these days. My favorite is the hot dog one. Seriously?

Caitlin A. Cleland said...

Holy moly... The saddest thing is that it doesn't surprise me that much. People really don't understand how amuzing working in healthcare can be. Always makes for some great stories!

Janna Renee said...

Wow...this makes me sad about society...at least it's entertaining! All we can do is laugh. Haha

Holly said...

LOL...the first one sounds like they are just reeeeeally looking for money lol.

Oh my gosh...I can't even comment anymore because these are all too hilarious!!!

Bekah Foley said...

Ok I just about died at the last one...
My best friend works at an OBGYN that specializes in working with medicaid patients and she always talks about how all of them have i-phones/coach bags but no jobs... love how that works!

Mrs. Yellow Ribbon said...

Oh, patients never cease to amaze me.

Heather said...

These posts absolutely crack me up. Gives new definition to "people are crazy!"

Pegster said...

I love these posts Megan, just hilarious.

Have a safe and happy delivery. Looking forward to hear about the arrival of your little girl.

Gina Gao said...

This is just hilarious. I couldn't help laughing through this.

www.modernworld4.blogspot.com

Lindsey @ Let the Light Shine said...

Oh wow. These should shock me, but sadly they don't! I don't know how y'all don't laugh in their faces!

Kari said...

Yesss!!!! Bahahahaha!! These never get old to me!

I don't know about you but a new phone is always tops on my priority list above all else! ;) Also...I will be asking for morphine..thanks for the reminder. ;)

Fran said...

I love it when you do these posts - the STD one is hilarious!

Megan C said...

These are hilarious! The STD one is my favorite!

Jasmine HellogmSunshine said...

OMG!!! These are hilarious.. and sad. The straight nerve of some people. smh. especially the last one -- that sounds all too familiar. just sad.